Turns and U-turns

Sometimes, thinking about tomorrow and the day after drives me crazy. Come to think of it, it is a strange concept – this whole tomorrow business. We spend a lot of time thinking about the future, working for the future and yet convincing ourselves that we are living in the present. I don't think I've ever been able to do a single thing in my life logically thinking of the future – the impulses are a little too strong to worry about the consequences... And yet, I find myself thinking about what life has in store and flipping out. Sometimes it is quite a liberating feeling though; you almost feel like a third person standing outside and viewing this strange phenomenon called you.

But yes, life does take strange turns and throws strange things at you. Some make you cry, some make you laugh... Some are just there. Most of the times, in the larger scheme of things it all doesn't matter. But the larger scheme is made up of a lot of smaller schemes and every experience leaves an impact on these small schemes, which could very well shake the larger picture. But you'd never know where it started, where it all began. I'm sitting here feeling a whole lot of love and pain within myself right now, but I really don't know where it all began. I'm thinking of five different things at the same time, and dreaming about some late night maggi, but would I ever know where it came from? And in the same realm of thought, as I think and obsess about myself and my life, I can't help but feel that I don't know a thing. None of us really do. We pretend, we wear cloaks, we make things make a difference, we smile, we talk, we love, we mess things up, and then we do things to fix it, or maybe we don't. We talk about ourselves, who we are, what we value, what we miss, what we love... But do we have any idea at all? Can you stop for a second and tell me who you really are? What makes you tick? Or are we all just pawns at the end of the day, part of a game where we have no clue about what is going on?